To swing or not to swing?
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I HAVE been in a relationship for 12 months and we both agree we have the best sex either has ever had.

My boyfriend tells me he loves me, and constantly talks about our future together, including marriage down the track.  However, just recently, my boyfriend asked if I would go with him to a swingers' club for his birthday.

We did this, and while I was neither shocked nor excited, I found myself questioning why someone who had great sex at home would need to do this.

I also would like some understanding of the personality I am getting involved with.

Having now agreed to do this once, does this mean I should not expect to have a monogamous relationship once we get married?

I also fear that if I refuse to go to the club again, he may not want to be with me.

Do you have any suggestions what I can do?

ANSWER: The first thing I will say to you, where sex is concerned, and there are two consenting adults, there is nothing wrong.

In the first instance you agreed to go to the swingers' club, and having had the experience, it is your prerogative not to go again if you do not want to do this. However, if you agree to go again out of fear of losing your partner's love, I urge you not to do it, as it will only prove to be a recipe for disaster down the track.

As far as your partner wanting to go to a swingers' club in spite of the two of you enjoying great sex, most swingers will tell you one thing has nothing to do with another.

It is about couples wanting variation and not wanting sexual boredom.

The interesting part about this story is that males are more likely to coerce their partners to go to a swingers' club than the other way around.

Unfortunately, it backfires on a lot of guys when their female partners become emotionally involved with the other male partner they are having sex with.

As far as your partner being monogamous in a committed relationship, obviously you cannot be monogamous and go to a swingers club.

However, this is a subject you should talk to your partner about and both need to be very clear about each other's values.

Never marry anyone for their potential.

If you don't like what you see right now, then it is best to walk away and save many years of being hurt.

Ruth Simons, a registered psychologist, is waiting to help. Either write to her at PO Box 1, Southport, 4215, or email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

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