I was watching some of my favorite bondage porn tonight. I bought it in San Francisco on one of my trips there...

I understand the woman's need to be punished, to be degraded and cleansed of sin by being utterly abject. Someone I love needs to take me into the depths of enslavement, so that I live only for his pleasure. If he needs to see my pain, then I want him to extract my screams, to torture me until I know I cannot resist, that there isn't even a tiny shred of dignity left inside me that hasn't been obliterated.

I have to admit that I like rough sex. Not just an occasional spanking, or having my nipples pinched and twisted during sex. I like it rough and hard. Having my face being driven into the carpet while being fucked in the ass from behind. Gagging and choking from being throatfucked so violently that I panic from not being able to breathe. Are you disturbed? Sometimes I am when I think about how horny I get and how powerful my orgasms are when I'm abused and used as a sex object. I don't want of course to be raped (why do men think that women want to be raped?). But there is a release involved in just surrendering yourself, to have your own pleasure be absolutely dependent upon the desires of someone you trust. I wonder if there is something hardwired in women that excites them when they are the most objectified? The key, of course, is that it is someone you trust, and that this person's own pleasure is something you yourself desire. If it doesn't excite you to see your master pleased, then it's just humiliation for the sake of it, and I'm not sure I would like that...