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Turning Fantasy into Reality |
When it comes to the bedroom (or anywhere you get down and naughty, for that matter), the only limit to one's sexuality is the imagination and one's willingness to experiment with it. Are you a girlfriend, a boyfriend, husband, wife, sex partner, casual lover, friend with benefits? How about a naughty nurse, hot cop, dangerous seductress, or subservient slave? All of the above and more? Sexual role relates over a spectrum of behaviours and acts from talking dirty to assuming and dressing another character, any of which are a means of exploring fantasy and broadening one's ideas of eroticism.
Sexual role play is the recognition, communication and acting out of a sexual fantasy, and it is the fantasy aspect of the game that makes it seem taboo. Many people are afraid of their fantasies, worried that they may be too weird or too kinky or too private to express. A powerful facet of role play deviance is the way in which it often flirts with taboo boundaries, strutting into realms of cross-dressing, bondage, or ideas of sex between typically unaccepted pairings such as teachers and students or doctors and patients. The beauty of role play, however, is that it is fantasy-not reality-and it is an exchange between knowing and consenting adults. Everyone has sexual fantasies and everyone should have at least a chance to play them out in a consensual, healthy and safe environment. Some fantasies may have negative consequences if acted out in real life, but can be indulged positively in sex play. Other fantasies may be considered by their bearer to be too personal or inappropriate to share, which is fine and should be left to the internal sex life if that is what is wanted. Sometimes what makes a fantasy hot is its secrecy. Each individual should be his or her own judge-just as long as she doesn't judge too harshly!
Toying with fantasy is a fun way of thinking outside the sexuality box, of expanding one's ideas of sexuality and eroticism. Getting out of one's usual role frees him or her from the inhibitions and baggage that may go with it. Insecurity has little room in good sex and no room in sex games and fantasy play, so experimenting with roles can help raise confidence and thus deepen intimacy in a relationship. It also allows a person to recognize, explore and learn about what he or she and partner(s) find erotic. Deciding to play another role means determining what turns one on and allowing oneself to indulge his or her desires. Sometimes it takes a little experimentation to figure out exactly what someone is into, but if one scenario doesn't work for a person, there's always another to try.
Most role play scenarios involve a dominant and a submissive character: the teacher and the student, the doctor and the patient, the kidnapper and hostage. These roles are generalized under the labels of topper and bottomer. Of course, the principal image of sexual roleplay is that of the dominatrix. The master and slave scenario encompasses all elements of fantasy role play; sex, costume, character, props and power create this scene. While some may find a power imbalance demeaning or perverse, experimenting with this dynamic can actually offer a means of gaining understanding and respect for one's partner. One of the exciting elements of sex games is the switching of control, of allowing oneself to be more aggressive than usual or having the opportunity surrender oneself to the pleasure of a partner. The topper gets to learn how to ask for what he or she wants and the bottom gets the delight of being shown his or her partner's desires and simply obeying without having to think or question.
Playing with roles and sex, however, does not necessarily have to get all tied up with whips and chains and costumes and strap-ons. Although such props can certainly contribute to the experience, they may intimidate the more tame players and are not necessary to act out a fantasy. The idea of jumping into the sack with full costume and cuffs may overwhelm some, so beginning small will open communication between partners, allowing them a point of reference for further explorations. From talking dirty or donning a special piece of lingerie, to simply tweaking the power exchange in sexual encounters, one can subtly introduce role playing to a relationship and then take it as far as she and her partner desire. For suggestions and advice, one can visit websites such as this one which offers a page of inexpensive and easy sex games to get the creative juices flowing or check out a book or a how-to on everything from phone sex to orgies.
The only truly necessary preparation for playing with a new identity (ironically) has to do with possessing a strong knowledge of pre-existing identity before "becoming" someone or something else. It is essential that all participants possess a clear consciousness of what they and their partners are and are not willing to explore. Establishing a means of spoken and unspoken communication is critical to this process and includes the implementation of "safewords" that mean stop or slow down. While role play is fun, liberating and hot, it can be alienating or harming if boundaries are not respected and communication is cut off. Sexual partnerships should always share trust and parity, and when it comes to fantasy play there is no exception to this rule.
Challenging oneself to let a fantasy loose in the bedroom through role play is an exciting and edifying departure from the sexual norm. An avenue for exploring desires, developing intimacy and avoiding routine, playing with roles means respecting one's partner enough to share and satisfy sexual dreams. Regardless of how extreme the scene, sex role experimentation is fun, empowering and enlightening for those who indulge, and there is plenty of candlelit room for it in any relationship. So get naughty. Get nice. Get dressed up or stripped down and get in bed. The show is about to begin. |
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