Phone sex isn't something I had much expertise in until your question, Jeff. But I'm a dedicated researcher, so one evening, I spent over six hours on the phone to various phone sex lines to try to find out some good techniques and tips for you.

Here's what I found out:

• During phone sex, girls don't orgasm until you type in your credit card number and expiry date.
• It's amazing how many women seem to be sitting around the house of an evening wearing nothing but stockings, garters and high-heeled shoes.
• Even more girls seem to spend their nights in front of the TV dresses as french maids or school girls.
• During phone sex, you shouldn't answer call-waiting. I had to tell mum I was working out.
• It's a good idea to have a phone line in your bed room. Or at least to wait until your flat mates have gone to bed before getting involved in a heavy session on the couch.
• Phone sex is mainly about vivid descriptions of what you'd like to be doing. Miming the actions doesn't work very well.